Lose Control
by Liveforthemoments
Summary: Remus loses control. Schooldays storyline changed entirely.


Summary: When Remus loses control. Sort of vaguely inspired by an amazing picture on www.tinaling.ca/mwppmapcalled 'The Morning After'... This has the same start as 'The Morning After', a story I have removed, but the ending is very different. No longer slash.

Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters in it... Trust me, if I did you'd know...

-o-o-o-

Remus Lupin wakes with a start. He lies still in the hazy shadows, watching the room swim into focus, staring at the dust covered ceiling. Then, suddenly, the pain hits. There is a fiery ache in his left shoulder and three stinging scratches on his cheek, about the right size for his own claws; he sighs and drags himself upright, his head pounding, wincing with each movement. The boy is drained, nauseous and- glancing around the dark, cobwebbed room- oddly lonely.

With a humourless smile, he stands, taking in the familiar surroundings of the Shrieking Shack's hallway. Remus stretches gracefully and, with practiced steps, stumbles out the door and along the passage towards Hogwarts, falling once and tearing the knee of his battered robes.

When he reaches the end of the passage the werewolf presses the knot of wood to freeze the Whomping Willow, then climbs, slowly and painfully, out of the opening under the tree. Suddenly, the lake catches his eye, the pale moon shimmering on its mirrored surface. Remus walks slowly, carefully, transfixed, to the water's edge and sits on the rocky shore, eyes reflecting the moon light. Feeling every aching bone in his body, feeling the wolf curled dormant inside him, he snarls and snatches up one of the stones, hurling it into the water, shattering the calm feel of the night. Abruptly, he stands, angrily snatching another rock and hurling it further into the lake, then another, then…

"Bad luck, that," says a quiet voice he knows as well as his own. "Breaking a mirror." Remus stops suddenly, stiffening, dropping the rock in his hand, but doesn't turn round. He knows who it is. Sure enough, Sirius walks with light steps up to the werewolf, placing a casual hand on his back. "What's up, Moony?" he inquires.

Remus whirls around, still angry, pushing his friend away. "You want to know what's up?" He snaps, "I'm sick of this! I'm sick of losing control and not knowing what I did last night, I'm sick of being in this much pain when I didn't do anything to cause it, I'm sick of not getting too close to anyone just in case and I am so, so sick of nobody noticing how much this hurts!" The scars on his cheek are stinging. "It isn't that we don't notice, but there's nothing we can do." The words are quiet, matter of fact, resigned.

Remus is so deeply sick of everyone being resigned that he smacks Sirius across the face before either realize that he was going to. The dark-haired boy's head snaps back, and he pauses, stunned, and then slaps Remus back harder. The werewolf punches him in the stomach, tears his nails across the Sirius' face, and his friend responds by pulling Remus' hair, twisting his arm hard. In moments they are really fighting, clawing at each other, both furious and determined to win, and then Sirius grabs Remus' hair and pulls him close and holds him in a tight embrace until the werewolf's taut frame goes limp. The boy pulls away a long moment later and stands up straight, staring at Remus in expectant silence.

"Quit staring." Remus snaps, only realizing that he has been crying the whole time now that he feels the tears drying stiff on his face. "Don't take this out on me." The other boy replies quietly, warningly. Remus presses his lips together, staring out over the lake, tears welling in his eyes again. "I'm sorry," he whispers. The boy nods, stepping to him, pulling his friend close to him again and rubbing Remus' back in soothing circles while he cries. They sink to the ground, leaning against a tree, and the werewolf and the joker sit watching the stars until they fade away into the sunlit dawn.

-o-o-o-

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